poisoned`
I need to know if you were real
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now
everytime i kiss you, it hurts
I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now
...supposed to heal, bringing protection...
I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn
...it brings out the color of your eyes
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now
everytime i kiss you, it hurts
I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now
...supposed to heal, bringing protection...
I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn
...it brings out the color of your eyes
them`
happening`
9:22 PM
04 aUg
great. this blog is black like totally.
just abt the same as my mood.
today was the first day in school with mitsuki.
cant say i had fun.
at least sam was there.
is it i never try hard enuff?
is it i look too scary?
isnt this supposed to be 2-way?
wateva it is...had chem eoi, chi ppt presentatn and AMC today.
toking abt AMC, WTF la. waste of time and money. fuckers.
then..had dance rehearsal at moelc...sorta sad when i got there, maybe cos everyone looked like they were having fun.. nearly cried woops.
dumby chong was still having PMS. sucker. he wants us to put FLOWERS in our hair. WTH. i'd rather stick some spastic looking...satay-stick or sth.. =_=" anw tts not e point lol.
point is he's a sucker.
man im getting reeeeel vulgar. i dun care. stick arnd or leave.
__________
06 aUg
yesterday had the dance performance and dinner.was pretty fun, and sort of let mitsuki warm up a bit more.mebbe i shud smile more.-__-"the food sucked. but i was hungry, so aft my teeny bowl of noodles i ate half of gabu's, one third of nic's, and then 2 more bowls which nobody wanted at my table. lol. then tried fooling arnd,but dunno why simply couldnt reach the craziness level of the past. =/i got quite sad at the end. felt so stuffed up everthing seemed to be stuck in me.tried reading my manga to distract myself before slping, and thanks to it, i was touched to tears and managed to relieve some of the stuffing in me.they went to sentosa today. YES. freedom for a day. DAMMIT i haf to do chi pt. suckers.
__________
06 aUg
haha i shall blog since theres onli abt 15 mins left b4 i haf to go fetch mitsuki.lol i wanted to do my pt! budden i started reading my manga. FOR A WHILE. then i couldnt stop. haha. then i was distracted by my blog XP so ahwell.ok. TODAY'S TRNG ROCKED. woohoo. clara was doing her backsomer on the hard tramp, and also dunno why suddenly she said why dun u try here? then KABOOM the desire came and so i did. LOL and i didnt die. so i did another. and another. and then another. and then clara gave up looking at me and went to lie on the soft tramp. ^ ^" so fun so fun so fun so fun~~ wahahha. and it was so relaxed la. no teo no stress. no teo noo conditioning also. but clara, our RESPONSIBLE senior made us do 20 leg-ups on the benches each. lol.okayy. i tink i better go...sighh. i hate work.
__________
06 aUg
lol im blogging alot today. cos i got lots of time wif the com. ^ ^ hehehehe.
YAY mitsuki and i are getting better! =) i smiled more. nyaha.
__________
09 aUg
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
today is a pretty sian day. have to go out with mitsuki again.
i hate going out.
makes me feel insecure. =/
had several thots these few days and might put them in a new link. =/
sighh. why cant i just walk out of that shadow?
__________
12 aUg
today was an eventful day.
first had the results of gym elections =.="
gdness. then i sprained my ankle when i was abt to go downstairs for lunch.
blame it upon URSELF paul. who ask u so ge-kiang. > <>15 aUg
walau. yesterday was a dispointing day. now i know why i felt so wierd on sat.
i mean walau la. walau. i cant wait for friday. walau. I CANT BELIVE I CREATED A CHANCE FOR HIM TO START SCOLDING ME AGAIN. wth. i shud never have planned that. walau. and YOU GET AWAY FROM ME. WHY ISIT THAT I ALWAYS GET THE LEAST OF WAT I EXPECT AND GET STH DAM FREAKING BLOODY SHITTY.
i mean, it was so bad that the onli gd thing i could think of ytd night was tramp, fiona, hong cheng and brandon. man guys i really appreciate it lor. and jeaness and audrey. thanks very much. mebbe it wasnt really fun. but really thanks for coming. next time, im gonna spend the whole day at the rock.
WTH. MAN. THIS SUCKS CAN. walau. oh just rmbd. tong en reminds me of avril. that was a random thot. sighh. EVERTHING 'S GOING WRONG. I WANNA TRAMP. oh but then again, mebbe my moves will go wrong too. WATEVA.
oh and dun ask me abt it. cos for all u know, YOU may be a part of it. just leave me to get out of this mess alone. thanks.
gdness. what wud i be now if it was grace who got it instead of me?
__________
22 aUg
many things have happened. and i really dun wanna think abt it. but im gonna type abit tho.
mitsuki has gone! real glad she's gone cos with her i feel dam wei qu, and then guilty cos like im very mean. now she's gone. i dun care alr. =/ i miss hideki, my kyoudai! LOL. i tink he really tinks im crazy ^ ^ mebbe he's got a bruise on his shoulder alr ;) then..i didnt get to say bye to ai..sighh she's reaaallyyy cute. i support u hideki! tsuyokunatte ne! ^ ^
then..had trngs..was a great fa xie but alwaes after it i feel dam empty. its like just temporary before i have to return to the world. i can never imagine the fear halfway thru a backsomer and when u are hanging upsidedown when im in the reality. maybe tts why i love roller coasters. it gives me the feeling of death. feeling of not caring whether i drop down or get flung around. yet alwaes, i dread the climbing out from the coaster carriage or landing back on my feet (or knees) after a somer. and this relates to how i refuse to let go of some memories. i know the pain i will feel when i realise it will be gone soon, yet all day i go think abt it. i really wonder how would my life be if i didnt get into the programme. mebbe me and the spastics wun be drifting. mebbe i wouldnt be in such pain becos i lost both wat i had before and during the trip. mebbe i would not laze during conditioning. mebbe i wouldnt be so eager abt backsomer. mebbe i wouldnt have constant nightmares abt them. mebbe i wouldnt feel so insecure now that i have wierd and painful dreams all night. i probably wun know nor miss mikana, wun have a great person to talk to like hongcheng, wun have a great pair of mates like fiona and nic, wun start my quarsexuality, wun be so dam sad abt sam, wun use so much tears. i wun start my interest on phantom of the opera nor have the will to learn the whole song, wun haf the wonderful experience of being away from parents and sickening work for almost a month, wun haf the joy of having almost 10 ppl with me queuing and riding coasters with me. i wun haf gotten the many first-time experiences i cherish till now. i wun have the collection of fotos i try to avoid looking at now. maybe i wudnt even have a totally black blog. mebbe i wouldnt haf won an indiv gold. i wudnt mug harder for jap than for other subs. i wouldnt know that a song called karma exists. i would never be touched by that song everytime i hear it. i wudnt know what i've missed. mebbe i wud have signed up for next yr's and get a totaly diff story. i wudnt know wat great memories i didnt get but also wat pain i avoided.
yes, im crying as i type. this is me, however shitty i look, however ugly u tink my hair is, however rowdy u may tink i am, THIS IS ME. help me and give me a slap or sth. oh, wats best, u can gimme watsttcalled? amnesia? yeah.
__________
24 aUg
today was not a bad day. well. better than ytd i guess.
had jap class! went to find mutou sensei to tell her abt the proj thingy again, and had a short lil chat. told her all of us were very sad, then she's very touched. > <> < i was like WAT I TOT 2 HOURS BEFORE ONLY. lol. it was pretty cool to know. then of course she touched on how i was the naughty one, who turned rightside up (leg down) so doc had to perform surgery to get me out lol. :P hehe. then aft tt packed for AIC skit tmr. then sam brot the bad news. -.- but nvm. then i listened to karma while reading my hist textbk, and started to think AHEAD. just like wat fiona said. and guess wat. i started thinking abt horrible things that were inevitable in the future. like my mama dying -touch wood touch wood- o.o that was bad and distracted me from the post-war probs :P lol. im reli itching to learn karma sia. sighh. BRO MUST TEACH MEEEEEE ^ ^
__________
29 aUg
ok. this is not a great weekend. or shud i say BAD weekend. for once in a very long time i actually spent 3 hours or sth MUGGING. non-stop. without music. and just as i was so proud of myself, i went online. great move aye. =__= went to read winglin and got hooked to s.w.i.m.f.a.n's OLD stories again. chatted with hc while reading and by the time i finished the first story IM LIKE WAT THE SHIT I HATE THIS ENDING and i couldnt even breathe cos my nose was all blocked up. ))x so i had to read a second one which had a happy ending. =(( still i got pretty depressed. oh forgot to say abt trng also. it was a disaster. x((((((((((((( now my straight jump got problem, backsomer got problem, EVERYTHING GOT PROBLEM. I WASNT EVEN ACHING THE NEXT DAY. well maybe my arms onli. x((((((((( AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH somebody gimme lobotomy.
__________
30 aUg
ok. i was damn pissed at myself when i got my maths paper back. was in a lousy mood till training. my backsomer was like shit la. then got even more pissed at myself until i realised wat was wrong with me. then backsomer better liao, so i cheered up alot. then i started to think, actually it was a very simple reason. i kept zuan niu jiao jian thats why couldnt correct it. then i related it to my long-term depression. my studies. maybe now i tink its useless, but since i got nth better to do and well, i cant quit sch, i might as well just study well. i've alr suffered for ONE WHOLE TERM. i might as well look on the bright side that we are still frens and get a grip on my emotions. im gonna be stuck in rgs, so i might as well spend more time with my great frens rather than wallowing in self-pity and hatred. yep. i will do my best.
you can do the same!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
eventuals
___________________
great. this blog is black like totally.
just abt the same as my mood.
today was the first day in school with mitsuki.
cant say i had fun.
at least sam was there.
is it i never try hard enuff?
is it i look too scary?
isnt this supposed to be 2-way?
wateva it is...had chem eoi, chi ppt presentatn and AMC today.
toking abt AMC, WTF la. waste of time and money. fuckers.
then..had dance rehearsal at moelc...sorta sad when i got there, maybe cos everyone looked like they were having fun.. nearly cried woops.
dumby chong was still having PMS. sucker. he wants us to put FLOWERS in our hair. WTH. i'd rather stick some spastic looking...satay-stick or sth.. =_=" anw tts not e point lol.
point is he's a sucker.
man im getting reeeeel vulgar. i dun care. stick arnd or leave.
__________
06 aUg
yesterday had the dance performance and dinner.was pretty fun, and sort of let mitsuki warm up a bit more.mebbe i shud smile more.-__-"the food sucked. but i was hungry, so aft my teeny bowl of noodles i ate half of gabu's, one third of nic's, and then 2 more bowls which nobody wanted at my table. lol. then tried fooling arnd,but dunno why simply couldnt reach the craziness level of the past. =/i got quite sad at the end. felt so stuffed up everthing seemed to be stuck in me.tried reading my manga to distract myself before slping, and thanks to it, i was touched to tears and managed to relieve some of the stuffing in me.they went to sentosa today. YES. freedom for a day. DAMMIT i haf to do chi pt. suckers.
__________
06 aUg
haha i shall blog since theres onli abt 15 mins left b4 i haf to go fetch mitsuki.lol i wanted to do my pt! budden i started reading my manga. FOR A WHILE. then i couldnt stop. haha. then i was distracted by my blog XP so ahwell.ok. TODAY'S TRNG ROCKED. woohoo. clara was doing her backsomer on the hard tramp, and also dunno why suddenly she said why dun u try here? then KABOOM the desire came and so i did. LOL and i didnt die. so i did another. and another. and then another. and then clara gave up looking at me and went to lie on the soft tramp. ^ ^" so fun so fun so fun so fun~~ wahahha. and it was so relaxed la. no teo no stress. no teo noo conditioning also. but clara, our RESPONSIBLE senior made us do 20 leg-ups on the benches each. lol.okayy. i tink i better go...sighh. i hate work.
__________
06 aUg
lol im blogging alot today. cos i got lots of time wif the com. ^ ^ hehehehe.
YAY mitsuki and i are getting better! =) i smiled more. nyaha.
__________
09 aUg
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
today is a pretty sian day. have to go out with mitsuki again.
i hate going out.
makes me feel insecure. =/
had several thots these few days and might put them in a new link. =/
sighh. why cant i just walk out of that shadow?
__________
12 aUg
today was an eventful day.
first had the results of gym elections =.="
gdness. then i sprained my ankle when i was abt to go downstairs for lunch.
blame it upon URSELF paul. who ask u so ge-kiang. > <>15 aUg
walau. yesterday was a dispointing day. now i know why i felt so wierd on sat.
i mean walau la. walau. i cant wait for friday. walau. I CANT BELIVE I CREATED A CHANCE FOR HIM TO START SCOLDING ME AGAIN. wth. i shud never have planned that. walau. and YOU GET AWAY FROM ME. WHY ISIT THAT I ALWAYS GET THE LEAST OF WAT I EXPECT AND GET STH DAM FREAKING BLOODY SHITTY.
i mean, it was so bad that the onli gd thing i could think of ytd night was tramp, fiona, hong cheng and brandon. man guys i really appreciate it lor. and jeaness and audrey. thanks very much. mebbe it wasnt really fun. but really thanks for coming. next time, im gonna spend the whole day at the rock.
WTH. MAN. THIS SUCKS CAN. walau. oh just rmbd. tong en reminds me of avril. that was a random thot. sighh. EVERTHING 'S GOING WRONG. I WANNA TRAMP. oh but then again, mebbe my moves will go wrong too. WATEVA.
oh and dun ask me abt it. cos for all u know, YOU may be a part of it. just leave me to get out of this mess alone. thanks.
gdness. what wud i be now if it was grace who got it instead of me?
__________
22 aUg
many things have happened. and i really dun wanna think abt it. but im gonna type abit tho.
mitsuki has gone! real glad she's gone cos with her i feel dam wei qu, and then guilty cos like im very mean. now she's gone. i dun care alr. =/ i miss hideki, my kyoudai! LOL. i tink he really tinks im crazy ^ ^ mebbe he's got a bruise on his shoulder alr ;) then..i didnt get to say bye to ai..sighh she's reaaallyyy cute. i support u hideki! tsuyokunatte ne! ^ ^
then..had trngs..was a great fa xie but alwaes after it i feel dam empty. its like just temporary before i have to return to the world. i can never imagine the fear halfway thru a backsomer and when u are hanging upsidedown when im in the reality. maybe tts why i love roller coasters. it gives me the feeling of death. feeling of not caring whether i drop down or get flung around. yet alwaes, i dread the climbing out from the coaster carriage or landing back on my feet (or knees) after a somer. and this relates to how i refuse to let go of some memories. i know the pain i will feel when i realise it will be gone soon, yet all day i go think abt it. i really wonder how would my life be if i didnt get into the programme. mebbe me and the spastics wun be drifting. mebbe i wouldnt be in such pain becos i lost both wat i had before and during the trip. mebbe i would not laze during conditioning. mebbe i wouldnt be so eager abt backsomer. mebbe i wouldnt have constant nightmares abt them. mebbe i wouldnt feel so insecure now that i have wierd and painful dreams all night. i probably wun know nor miss mikana, wun have a great person to talk to like hongcheng, wun have a great pair of mates like fiona and nic, wun start my quarsexuality, wun be so dam sad abt sam, wun use so much tears. i wun start my interest on phantom of the opera nor have the will to learn the whole song, wun haf the wonderful experience of being away from parents and sickening work for almost a month, wun haf the joy of having almost 10 ppl with me queuing and riding coasters with me. i wun haf gotten the many first-time experiences i cherish till now. i wun have the collection of fotos i try to avoid looking at now. maybe i wudnt even have a totally black blog. mebbe i wouldnt haf won an indiv gold. i wudnt mug harder for jap than for other subs. i wouldnt know that a song called karma exists. i would never be touched by that song everytime i hear it. i wudnt know what i've missed. mebbe i wud have signed up for next yr's and get a totaly diff story. i wudnt know wat great memories i didnt get but also wat pain i avoided.
yes, im crying as i type. this is me, however shitty i look, however ugly u tink my hair is, however rowdy u may tink i am, THIS IS ME. help me and give me a slap or sth. oh, wats best, u can gimme watsttcalled? amnesia? yeah.
__________
24 aUg
today was not a bad day. well. better than ytd i guess.
had jap class! went to find mutou sensei to tell her abt the proj thingy again, and had a short lil chat. told her all of us were very sad, then she's very touched. > <> < i was like WAT I TOT 2 HOURS BEFORE ONLY. lol. it was pretty cool to know. then of course she touched on how i was the naughty one, who turned rightside up (leg down) so doc had to perform surgery to get me out lol. :P hehe. then aft tt packed for AIC skit tmr. then sam brot the bad news. -.- but nvm. then i listened to karma while reading my hist textbk, and started to think AHEAD. just like wat fiona said. and guess wat. i started thinking abt horrible things that were inevitable in the future. like my mama dying -touch wood touch wood- o.o that was bad and distracted me from the post-war probs :P lol. im reli itching to learn karma sia. sighh. BRO MUST TEACH MEEEEEE ^ ^
__________
29 aUg
ok. this is not a great weekend. or shud i say BAD weekend. for once in a very long time i actually spent 3 hours or sth MUGGING. non-stop. without music. and just as i was so proud of myself, i went online. great move aye. =__= went to read winglin and got hooked to s.w.i.m.f.a.n's OLD stories again. chatted with hc while reading and by the time i finished the first story IM LIKE WAT THE SHIT I HATE THIS ENDING and i couldnt even breathe cos my nose was all blocked up. ))x so i had to read a second one which had a happy ending. =(( still i got pretty depressed. oh forgot to say abt trng also. it was a disaster. x((((((((((((( now my straight jump got problem, backsomer got problem, EVERYTHING GOT PROBLEM. I WASNT EVEN ACHING THE NEXT DAY. well maybe my arms onli. x((((((((( AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH somebody gimme lobotomy.
__________
30 aUg
ok. i was damn pissed at myself when i got my maths paper back. was in a lousy mood till training. my backsomer was like shit la. then got even more pissed at myself until i realised wat was wrong with me. then backsomer better liao, so i cheered up alot. then i started to think, actually it was a very simple reason. i kept zuan niu jiao jian thats why couldnt correct it. then i related it to my long-term depression. my studies. maybe now i tink its useless, but since i got nth better to do and well, i cant quit sch, i might as well just study well. i've alr suffered for ONE WHOLE TERM. i might as well look on the bright side that we are still frens and get a grip on my emotions. im gonna be stuck in rgs, so i might as well spend more time with my great frens rather than wallowing in self-pity and hatred. yep. i will do my best.
you can do the same!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
eventuals
ripp`